Jacked Up

Everywhere I turn I run into Jesus sending people, calling people. Jacked up, not worthy, sinners to advance His message. A message a love, grace, mercy, and acceptance.

In Judges, Jesus chooses an afraid kid, Gideon, hiding in a rock. He tells him to go, fight. And that he already possesses the goods to do it. The Gospels are full of calling. Paul was beaten up by the sun. Peter would deny Jesus to his face yet was still commissioned to be the church. In Numbers the spies sent into The Promised land were scared to occupy the land. They came back and said they’d like to stay where they were. God prolonged their journey by 40 years, sending them back into the dessert because of their disobedience.

I understand that I haven’t literally  been beaten up by the sun or denied Jesus to his face.  But I have. I am hiding in a rock of my uncertainty. I’m so scared to occupy what God has already declared mine. But I can’t, I won’t die in the wilderness and I don’t want to suspend my calling for 40 years because of disobedience. Lord I will go, but I’m bringing all of me, my uncertainty, my fears, my failures. For I would rather go with all of me, all of my jacked-upness, than stay and forfeit the perfectness of your will. Then again, you don’t choose worthy, perfect, blameless people.

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